So I was checking old photo albums, looking for pictures I could use for my mom’s birthday present.
I ended with some more ideas for drawings and thoughts about parenthood, childhood, memories.
I’ve always imagined that a person is adult, when they stop thinking what mother would say about them. For some time now my attitude towards my parents has changed a lot.
I used to have many claims about their behaviour, for a long time I was hurt, remembering what they did wrong. After years of thoughts and work, forgiveness day has come. They didn’t ask for it, it just happened. Not in words, just in my mind, but I felt really relieved.
I’ve learned to see them not as my guardians, but as people that in my age had 3 children. When I stopped awaitening parenting care from them, I finally felt like an adult person.
When you separate all this expectations of a child, it leaves just two people, who did mistakes and had their bad sides. Like I do and like I have.
As an adult I gave my inner child what it needed. So it left me with a peace.
I have to admint to something- I’m really scared of war. Some people say it’s not possible, that it wouldn’t happen, but for me the thing is, that when we even start to consider the possibility, shit is getting real.
I can’t stand what’s happening with the world today, why some people don’t see others as human beings, that they see some wildlings, enemies. I think that we make our own fears come true when we exclude others, they start to become what we want to see them. If adult says to child “you’re bad” as often as it gets, child starts to behave badly, just because nobody expects from him good behaviour anyways. So why bother.
If we say some group of people, that they don’t belong here, that they are worse, they have no other option than to confirm this theory. When they are good, nobody notices, it’s transparent.
I can’t stand any of racism, homophobia, xenophobic behaviour. It makes me sick.
I see anger in many of people, it comes from their fear.
So basically when I’m afraid of sombody’s fear I had to throw it out somehow.
You know, when there were times that people didn’t understand nature as much as we do now, they were taking “bad signs” of it. Eclipses, falling stars, comets.
These are omens of feelings in my guts.