I have to admint to something- I’m really scared of war. Some people say it’s not possible, that it wouldn’t happen, but for me the thing is, that when we even start to consider the possibility, shit is getting real.
I can’t stand what’s happening with the world today, why some people don’t see others as human beings, that they see some wildlings, enemies. I think that we make our own fears come true when we exclude others, they start to become what we want to see them. If adult says to child “you’re bad” as often as it gets, child starts to behave badly, just because nobody expects from him good behaviour anyways. So why bother.
If we say some group of people, that they don’t belong here, that they are worse, they have no other option than to confirm this theory. When they are good, nobody notices, it’s transparent.
I can’t stand any of racism, homophobia, xenophobic behaviour. It makes me sick.
I see anger in many of people, it comes from their fear.
So basically when I’m afraid of sombody’s fear I had to throw it out somehow.
You know, when there were times that people didn’t understand nature as much as we do now, they were taking “bad signs” of it. Eclipses, falling stars, comets.
These are omens of feelings in my guts.
Recently I got copic-type pens as a gift. So I’m using them like crazy. Also I think more and more I’m falling into drawing illustrations, and as the time goes by, stories in my head are getting more of the shape.
Lately I’m into drawing ghosts, shadows, dark rooms and woods. Maybe it’s too many horror movies.
I’ve always had this fascination with a subject of a little girl and dark powers, contrast between innocence and evil.
I’m not a person who is much of a believer in this kind of stories, but as a metaphore for the dark side we all have, as something that is beyond our control in onselves acts, thougths, ghosts, devils are great subject.
So here it is, I think I’ll stuck to this for a while.
When I’m tired I usually paint quite dark illustrations. This was the case.
Just before leaving to the seaside I felt I have to throw this out of me. So I’ve made those paintings, portraits of women drowning in shadows.
Technque is just parker ink on a brush, with a little of water. Used just like watercolor.
I’m counting days to my vacations. We’re going to the seaside, me with lots of ideas for drawings.
I’ll eat, I’ll read, I’ll drink wine.
Nothing’s gonna stop me.
When I was a kid, I believed that there are people living in clouds. I imagined they are very happy, and that clouds taste like cotton candy.
As many of children, I tried to find some ways to fly, thinking I need some kind of wings or a balloon, and I’ll get there. At that time traveling by plane wasn’t so popular and cheap as now.
So even now, when I’m adult I always look carefully when I’m in the air.
It happens a lot that I draw or paint water. It always seemed to calm me down. Whenever I’m in stresful situation, somehow I imagine myself surrounded by water.
Sometimes drowning, sometimes walking into ocean, or just letting my body (in my mind) to go with the flow of the river.
I find peace and relief when I hear the sound of the sea.
When I was a child, doctor told my parents that I should swim a lot for my backbone. So every week my grandfather took me to the swimming pool. Soon he was kind of celebrity there, cause of his open nature and sense of humour. He sligthtly flirted with lady who sold tickets, made buddies with lifeguards and instructors.
I remember that the swimming pool had big windows. I remember that my grandfather took walks around the building when I was swimming and always cheered me from the other side of the wall.
I had also lots of great memories with the sea from my adult life.
My first vacations with A. and feeling crazy in love.
Lazyness of greek beach and snorkling in warm water.
New Years Eve and hot wine on a cold sand of Baltic sea shore.
Crystal waters surrounding Thailand on our honeymoon.
Lately I took 3 days of “vacations” from work. I was exhausted, really tired, so I went to my parents countryside house.
First two nights I had nightmares, I guess somehow all the stress had to come out of me.
I didn’t paint a lot, I took some thriller book with me and spent this time on hammock reading. Also it was first time for a while when I could read a WHOLE newspaper. Yup, all pages.
But my state of tired mind produced these two images that you can see below. It illustrates the place I’m in right now. Need some changes.
This is a very recent project, that I think will grow up.
I’m considering making it into a comic book.
These are my memories form childhood. We were really wild children. In the era without computers and many tv channels, we had to create our own worlds. Now it seems like a dream.
Gangs of kids, playing, fighting, with broken legs and arms, always dirty, always looking for adventure.
These illustrations are very subjective memories of 80’s and 90’s.
Always got this feeling of unknown danger when it comes to nature.
Each time close contact with forest or sea or lake brings me to the edge where fascination connects with the fear.
It’s huge, it’s strong, it defeats us, it’s beyond our silly cities, silly cars, silly box- apartaments, silly problems. It’s ruthless, silent, not interested in our matters.
Death, birth, mystery, cruelty and beauty.
Nothing made by human can compare to a mountain.
Once I was camping in Alpes, on the edge of the clif, where you couldn’t see a single light of man’s presence. Sky with stars seemed to try to crush us. It was beyond any control.
It’s summer though I didn’t have many occasions to experience this time of year, because I’m stuck in work.
Even when I had some free time, I’d spend it rather on drawing or painting than getting sunburned on the beach. But no worries, there is some plan for vacations.
I usually go to the seaside where I have family, so I don’t have to think about hotels overbooked in summer.
Right now, living in a big city I spend my weekends on dreaming about empty beaches (that’s why in my opinion the best time to go there is september).
I love northern seas, Baltic sea makes me connect with nostalgy, with my childhood, hot afternoons with insects buzzing like best kind of music, and cold evenings spent on the sand, when you have to use your towel or blanket to cover yourself.
French fries, ice creams, cold fanta, sound of seagulls, wind messing your hair, chilly water, seaweeds between toes, seashells in pockets, searching for amber, sand in your sandwich, insanely sweet soda, skin detaching of your nose. My summer means seaside. I always miss it, always longing. If I couldn’t go to the seaside, it would mean there was no summer.
There are some impressions, have fun 🙂